Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
