Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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