She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
