I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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