we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
