Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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