I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
