So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
