They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
