I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize