i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
