If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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