So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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