i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
