A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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