I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
