they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
