that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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