Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
well you can't waste a boner
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
