First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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