Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
