my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
