this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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