Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
