The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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