just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
