her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
