Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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