Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
