normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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