It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
