Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
this is an emotional support booty call
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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