ugly people sure do ruin things
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize