So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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