we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
