Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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