It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
