halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i believe in u and ur pee
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
