We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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