Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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