My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
