Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
