Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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