Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
