physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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