You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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