I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize