I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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