Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
