white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
