I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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