omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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