Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
