How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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