sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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