Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
actually, I'm a sock model
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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