Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
