Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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