I heard we made out
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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