The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
