well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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