I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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