we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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