there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
