But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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