the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize