I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
