Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
