I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
