you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
