My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What a dumb baby whore.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
