Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
