Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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