I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
