I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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