just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize