And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just found puke in my bra..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
