woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
