Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize