He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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