i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
