I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
