September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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