He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Randomize