OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
