Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
