I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
