i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
