i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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