I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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