he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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