my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
