I think I just saw someone hide a body.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
