Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
