After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
