trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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