I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
