Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize