So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
