i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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