so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
