i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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