a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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