i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
