I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
