i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
